dealing with personal situations and social media

Portrait of my mum

I leave some bad days behind. I lost a loved one. Those of you who share this kind of experience know how thoughts suddenly connect with that person where there was no connection before. It happens when you least expect it, e.g. walking through the city… SNAP! Sudden change of perspective combined with mixed feelings. Refreshing, kind of, to be able to connect the simplest things with that person. Educational, kind of, because when it happens you think about a common situation differently. Comforting, kind of, to know that you are still not walking alone.

People say the most important thing when you experience death are the people in your life – friends and family. Someone who catches you for when you fall but I am a rather steady and realistic character. Instead, I thought about what I lost and tightened valuable memories on the one hand and mourned about my mums lost opportunities to fulfil her dreams on the other hand. A little bit more time was all she needed. It is true but it also sounds like something people always say – it happened too early. Seems like time is always of the essence. So the question occurred to me: what would I do if I knew that I am close to the edge? And what lesson does my mum try to teach me with this experience?

I took some time to myself to define the things that are important to me and put them back into the right priorities. For example, social media and painting stuff to put on Instagram. My focus was on sketching daily to get better at what I do, so I did not really care about what I drew as long as I was productive. It was nice to work on something every day but in hindsight… that was not the best strategy. What makes art (and the personal learning process) worthwhile is when you put your heart into something that interests you. Not the random stuff for the purpose of doing stuff to post stuff. The important stuff that you like thinking about and that you like to spend time with, that is where your time is well spent.

I still learned something though, for learning an art lies in the doing, and I am still of the opinion that a scribble is one of the most powerful arts, but I lacked determination. Think about it this way: If you draw a piece (for practice or not) and feel easy about tossing it away afterwards or do not feel like hanging it in your room for a couple of weeks, you have no real connection to it. Wasted time. And for Instagram: Why post it on your feed when you do not feel like hanging it in your room? Not really authentic, is it?

This portrait is important to me. I had the chance to spend some time with my mum, tighten the memory of her face, drift off in old stories, take care of her details and value her with kid gloves. This is a piece of art I want to hang in my room.

Take your time, do what you love and fulfil your dream. This is her/my lesson.

Thank you for everything!